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Our friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been constantly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her friends vanished at that point, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. This surprised her. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have realised better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several close to her have drifted apart without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, and she left not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each retired so we're spending time together, yet I realize my position in the relationship is to listen. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been arranging a holiday abroad I know well repeatedly and lived in for a while. My intention was to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I've just ended four weeks there she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining how things go when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. What you feel are valid, naturally. Finally is to question ways you together going to change the interaction between you."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly effective in fostering mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss all you say, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they won't let go of since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. But she may start out this way before reflecting your perspective. If you never reach an agreement, you'll have satisfaction from having been open and direct.